Yes. I am guilty of making a whole new blog and neglecting it but in my defense, 2020 started off a little rough.
2020 started off a little rough. Ok, not a little rough.. A WHOLE LOT OF ROUGH. I Wasn’t even 6 days into the new year and my curly head ass managed to get arrested and put in jail. Not my proudest moment and if my mug shot is currently haunting the internet, it will without a doubt prove to be my ugliest.
It’s all very funny to me now but (it hasn’t even been a month since it happened) in the moment, I was terrified. I can’t say I enjoyed the way they treated me in there nor did I enjoy having to listen to the other girls have complete meltdowns in their cells, but you guys would be proud to know that I made the best experience I could out of that night in that fucking hell hole.
I made a friend with a girl who happened to be in the passenger seat while in a high speed chase. The driver was her boyfriend. A very sweet girl. I have a soft spot for hopeless romantics and well quite literally, ride or dies. She lucked out with me just as I lucked out with her.
They don’t really tell you a whole lot about Jail.. (or maybe they did and I wasn't listening because I never thought I would be in there.. but then again, who does?) Well I’ll be the one to tell you that IT'S FUCKING COLD IN THERE! COLD AS FUCK. SO FUCKING COLD. 1 out of 5, would not recommend. DON’T GO THERE.
All I wanted to do was fall asleep and wake up from that nightmare but my toes could not let me forget that they were on the verge of falling off. Ride or die girl really came through for me guys. Bless her hopeless romantic soul.
For like the first two hours we kept looking at each other all sad and being like, “its really cold in here huh?” Until this little genius bitch comes back with paper towels and wraps them around her feet. She looks at me and she’s like, “Dude, you should do it. It really helps.”
Y’all know I’m all about my ~fashion~ right?
Man, at first I was like, they (the system) have me fucked up if they think I’m about to use a paper towel as a sock. Guys, not even 10 minutes later, my weak ass, sleep deprived, not even intoxicated ass, walks my stupid ass over to that roll of paper towels and caves. Want a good laugh? Picture me wrapping my foot in paper towels and sticking them in a rubber huarache that who knows who the fuck else has worn. Picture it. You're laughing? Good, me too.
I lucked out with Ride Or Die because of her survival skills and well, also the fact that we both spoke Spanish. She lucked out with me because I’m a very generous bitch who just so happened to have $700 in her sad, ugly, grey, striped jumpsuit. Ride Or Die technically didn’t do anything other than be a ride or die and I have never heard of someone going to jail for being a ride or die. I mean, have you?
It was very evident early on that homegirl was going to be released and not booked into a cell with the rest of us messes. Still, Ride Or Die was in a pickle. Her phone died, she didn't have anyones number memorized, and she had no cash on her. Ride Or Die was in fact in need of a ride. Oh the irony.
4 if not 5 hours later, she’s getting released and I’m getting booked. I give her $20 and tell her to get a taxi. She thanks me and asks for my number so she can pay me back. In my head I’m like, “Girl, I didn’t give you this money expecting to ever see it again. I mean, I’d be a damn fool.” She thanks me again and then tells me in Spanish, “If you happen to see him, tell him I love him.”
BITCH. I AM NOT GOING TO SEE YOUR BOYFRIEND. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THIS FUCKER IS. HE WAS IN A HIGH SPEED CHASE AND HE CRASHED INTO A COP CAR. ME? I HAD TWO DRINKS AND I WAS TAKING MY FRIEND WHO WAS INTOXICATED HOME. Honey, oh sweetie, we are not going to the same place.
I didn’t say that of course. I just smirked and said ok.
You know, now I just wish I had told Ride Or Die to start being her own damn ride.
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